everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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