you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
