she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
