your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
