i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
