Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
