turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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