What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
