I heard we made out
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize