i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
