yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
