i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
