I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
