yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize