Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
