Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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