I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
