My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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