When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize