You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
