dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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