you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize