They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
