the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
