he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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