im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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