can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
