I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize