She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
