i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
