the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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