just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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