Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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