I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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