it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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