Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
