So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
