I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
