All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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