Sry I called you an 8
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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