fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
