question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
