I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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