very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
