I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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