My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
