Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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