You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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