remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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