a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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