Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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