When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i died would you start the facebook group?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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