so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize