pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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