All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
