I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
