i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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