last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
