he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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