i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
