So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
