I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize