The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
