Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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