I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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