Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
