I'm passing your future prison.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
