My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
