"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
