i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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