I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
