I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize