Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize
