What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is Oprah even human
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
